So Nad, It's Good...

Anyone who knows me will tell you that I have an ample ream of unwritten script ideas hidden beneath my pillow… If by ideas you mean swell sounding titles that will never have an actual story to go with them. Things like Lunar-Tick or Terror-Dactyl or Prime-8 or… Well you get the idea. Sadly, I also have a voice in my head that says things such as: ‘Hey, what a cool title but… No, no… Hang on… The only thing I can think of to fit that title is a really generic piece of crap that even the Sci-Fi Channel would be too ashamed to show… No, I’d better leave it and get back to writing Crule Jaws 2… Shame though… It is a neat title…’

So, enjoy the titles and the films you can probably imagine scene for scene from reading them but don’t bother looking for them in stores… Sadly, you won’t find them. Not even at Blockbuster.

It would seem, however, that the author of sadly overlooked masterpiece The Ginger-Dead Man shares only one of my traits… He has the sweet pun for a title but the voice in this dudes head has said ‘Hey man… Awesome title! You could totally do something with that, like… Like… Like remake Child’s Play! Yeah, that’s the ticket! Child’s Play would’ve been so much better if, like, Chucky hadn’t been so freakin’ terrifying! Let’s do it! Let’s remake Child’s Play but with a weird turd faced ginger bread thing man instead of a scary ass doll! That’s our ticket to easy street!’ And, to his credit, he has not only written it but then gone and got it made…

And let’s not undersell his work either… It is a pretty natty looking turd guy ginger bread man thing… And he does flaunt the rules of kitchen cleanliness by dripping the blood of a serial killer into the flour… AND he cuts off an old lady’s finger! As an anal retentive, the thought of old lady blood on my stainless steel kitchen fixtures is enough to give me nightmares for weeks! This film literally tears apart the coventions of the genre… If by genre you mean Child’s Play and by tear apart you mean follow it pretty much beat for beat. Face it, the script was good enough to snag Gary Busey… Enough said. This product reeks of quality AND gently baked ginger bread goodness.

What really seals this one up for me, however is knowing that there is sequel to this on it’s way… Ginger-Dead Man 2: The Passion Of The Crust. I. Shit. You. Not. And since it appears that the titular Ginger-Dead Man has been eaten and ‘re-introduced’ to the world at least once before the original was even filmed, I’m guessing that he can run and run as long as this guy and the shameless voice in his head can keep punning.

I hope things work out for those crazy kids, I really do…