Finnish As We Mean To Go On

Any one of my extremely limited number of friends will tell you that I thoroughly enjoy a jolly movie where kids get hurt, maimed and perhaps even killed (depending entirely, of course, on how vile the child in question may be).

Now, this isn't a reflection on me as a real world individual... I'm no huge fan of children (they're loud, get underfoot, you can't smoke or swear around them, they tend to head butt you in the testicles when they hug you and, as a rule, they're very poor conversationalists) but I wouldn't wish actual harm on anyone whose main point of reference for the world was Sesame Street.

No, this nascent desire to see harm inflicted on kids is more of a reflection on me as a film viewer...

In explaining this, I could take the time to go as far back as Charles Laughton's fantastic adaptation of Night Of The Hunter but I came to that later in life as I was a child of the seventies and through that decade (and the eighties that followed) films were a dangerous place to be if you were a kid. Cinema parents were forever distracted or drunk and mean, the world was out to get you, monsters would eat you, villains (and sharks) would kill you... There was literally no respite from the many dangers of the world and you were responsible for your own welfare (and even hiding under the duvet couldn't protect you). Like their real world counterparts, children would smoke, swear, fight, talk about sex and have a working understanding of the dangers of the world around them. They were inventive, bold and even if they weren't the most aesthetically pleasing specimens on the planet they still had the wits about them to save it if they had to.

There is a good reason that films like Explorers, The Goonies, Troll, Flight Of The Navigator, The Monster Squad, Gremlins, The Gate and all of the other movies of that era that get name checked incessantly are remembered so fondly. They were solid, entertaining narratives aimed (predominantly) at children that managed to reflect more of the real world in their fantasy story lines than the 90210 post code could manage in how ever many seasons (and reiterations). The fantasy here was danger and adventure not wealth and popularity. The heros were almost always the outcasts, middle income at best and desperate for escape from the mundanity of their lives, not Tweeting about what they had for breakfast or parading their newest designer bag to the cinema to see Twilight.

Films made for an adult audience (that irresponsible parents would let you watch on TV or Video) didn't treat kids any better... It didn't matter that the Chief of Police was sitting on the beach in Jaws, you could still be eaten by a shark right in front of him. Both parents could be in the house in Poltergeist and the television (or a tree) could still swallow you, even though you'd tried to warn them that this was going to happen. You could even be eaten by a giant Alligator in your own back yard (a scene that inexplicably traumatised me for life when I saw it as a five year old but gave me a healthy respect for swimming pools and nature that has lasted long into adulthood and has, thus far, prevented me from drowning or losing a limb to a hungry, oversized creature).

These were kids, like you and me... If they could find a treasure map in their attic or a spaceship in their back garden, why couldn't you? If they could get bloodied, bruised and perhaps even killed, why couldn't you? If they could find happiness without being the Prom Queen or depending on a romantic partner to be a whole human being, why couldn't you?

These aren't all perfect films by any means (some of them aren't actually very good at all if you stop to examine them in any critical sense). I imagine they occupy such a warm corner in the memory of many an aging film nerd because they held up a mirror to the world we lived in and, even when what was reflected back wasn't safe or pretty, it was exciting, scary and, most importantly, fun.

In this current era of film making, narratives purportedly aimed at children are more geared towards their parents desire to believe that the world is a safe place for their kids, where no harm will ever befall their precious prince or princess and none of the corruptions of adult life will ever find their way into their dull, anodyne lives. Even children's films that masquerade as being 'creepy' or 'dark' (like Tim Burton's perennial Hot Topic funder The Nightmare Before Christmas) are so far removed from reality and so comprehensively ingrained into our consumer society as to be essentially meaningless outside of the boundaries of their own narratives.

Modern movies seem to exist solely for the hour and a half of their run time and then cease to have any meaning at all let alone offer any insight into the workings of the world. The physical result of this prevailing attitude is that kids quickly evolve into revolting, entitled little consumers with no concept of the real world or the consequences of believing that you are exempt from harm because of your status as 'precious child'.

They are being sold a product, not having their spirit of adventure stimulated.

As with many of the issues facing modern society, cinema is in a unique position to educate as well as entertain and, once again, it seems to be fumbling the ball at the bidding of the mighty dollar.

All of which brings me to the point in hand... The rather excellent Finnish fantasy, Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale.

Because movie kids can be aesthetically challenged...

There is something inherently fantastic about a film that refuses to comply to modern trends in cinema and seeks to not only emulate the adventures of cinema past but also corrupt the myth of the most commercial season of the year. After all, what better target than the spirit of Christmas when debunking the overly commercial tendencies of current filmmaking?

Rare Exports carries a 15 certificate although I couldn't begin to tell you why... It has no swearing, no gore, no nudity (unless you count the odd glimpse of old man genitals, which I suppose you should) or any of the elements one would associate with an age restriction normally reserved for adult fare (lest we forget, Jaws has a PG rating to this day and could scare the shit out of you whether you saw it with a responsible adult or not...). So, don't be fooled by the age certificate, story outline or presentation of the film on the DVD box... This specimen is not a horror film by any stretch of the imagination. It's a children's film, pure and simple...

A really good one.

To describe the plot in any real detail would spoil the film greatly... Suffice to say, it's a smart, measured piece that borrows heavily from a plethora of great eighties kids movies to put a tremendous (and dark) spin on the Christmas mythos... The pretty but barren Finnish mountain setting makes an excellent substitute for the faceless suburbia of many of the standout films of the decade whilst other story elements (the absent mother whose death is never discussed by the distracted and financially troubled father, the lonely but aware child who is the first to work out what is going on and struggles to find an ally) also strike a familiar chord with the aging viewer.

This is fairy tale, coming of age story and escapist fantasy all mixed into one with more than enough fresh material thrown into the mix to lend it a creepy urgency that easily trumps the overly conscious and baroque stylings of Mr Burton and actually puts our main characters into a scenario with palpable danger, even though the threat is a fantasy creature that no one believes to be real. The children of this film have no interest in popularity, fashion or technology. Instead, they read books, ride snow mobiles, carry guns and are ever aware of the wolves that live in the mountains around their homes... If they decide something is scary then the chances are it is.

And yes, some bad things do happen to them...

Naughty... Or nice?

Tonally, there have been a handful of similar films made in the States in recent times... Both The Hole and Super 8 harked back to a golden age of children's adventure film but neither really had the nerve to fully commit to the outright creepy or place their characters into any mortal danger (and both had very mediocre runs at the box office, perhaps as a direct result). Coming from Finland, Rare Exports doesn't really have to navigate the studio system in the same way or provide healthy revenue through family friendly merchandising... And it shows.

This is a film that is free to play out more like an authentic Brothers Grimm fairy tale than the Disney interpretation of the same narrative and it has no hesitation in reveling in every macabre twist that this allows.

Rare Exports isn't a perfect film by any means but I can easily imagine that it will occupy a warm corner in the affections of many an aging film nerd because it has no hesitation in holding up a mirror to the world we live in and, even when what is reflected back isn't safe or pretty, it can still be exciting, scary and, most importantly, fun.

If that isn't a good enough reason to sit down in front of a movie with your kids this Christmas then I don't know what is. And, as I may have mentioned, any one of my extremely limited number of friends will tell you that I thoroughly enjoy a jolly movie where kids get hurt, maimed and perhaps even killed (depending entirely, of course, on how vile the child in question may be), so you may just want to put your offspring to bed and revel in a film that will take you back to a time when you were happy to watch children put in mortal danger in order to teach you something about the world you live in.

Stakes Is High

If you were to replace the word 'vampire' with 'zombie' and the word 'bleak' with 'humorous' then the poorly constructed review that follows could well be about the curiously over lauded 'laugh riot' known as Zombieland.

It's not... That movie did very well for itself and has little to no need for some no name Tiki Artist slash Genre Movie Blogger such as myself to spread the good word on it's mainstream pleasing merits, especially as you probably all already own the aforementioned movie on DVD and Blu Ray and like to bring it up on first dates with 'hip' people (they have horn rimmed glasses, sailor tattoos and perhaps even a niece named Amelie) you are hoping to impress with your own innate coolness. This, however, is a rookie mistake... If you really want to impress them then point out that the guy who did the voice the voice for Peter Venkman in The Real Ghostbusters cartoon was the same fellow who did the voice for Garfield in the animated series. Bill Murray was Peter Venkman in Ghostbusters and then the voice of Garfield in the live action moves... Cinematic mesh!

Sweet, sweet loving is guaranteed*!

*Sweet, sweet loving is in NO way guaranteed.

In no way Woody Harrelson and Jesse Eisenberg (that dude from The Social Network)

Good luck with that... I doubt very much that a working knowledge of Zombieland or Bill Murray trivia is ever going to get you into anyone's pants. Try learning quotes from The Breakfast Club (eighties teen flicks are so hot right now).

No dear (celibate) reader, this poorly constructed but mercifully brief review/opinion is about the bleak vampire movie called Stake Land, a film that succeeds taking the sparkle out of a genre that has had its teeth unceremoniously removed by the cult of Twilight (a pop culture phenomenon I find so morally offensive that I can barely put it into words and one that I hold solely responsible for the Abercrombie & Fitch-ing of every possible horror related release of recent times, including the forthcoming reboot of The Howling). It takes the better aspects of the zombie genre and applies them to the 'Hot Topic' addled vampire genre to create a film that is fairly unto itself in this modern cinema age (although pleasantly familiar to anyone who grew up in the golden age of VHS fare and was treated to EVERY possible combination of classic monster variant inhabiting post apocalyptic wasteland scenario imaginable, primarily because it was dirt cheap to film... Hell Comes To Frogtown anyone? Anyone..?).

Stake Land is a gritty, no nonsense, no budget affair set in a VHS friendly (although very compelling to this thirty something DVD viewer) apocalyptic world over run with vampires that serves as the perfect antidote to all of the over buffed, over posturing, under written and CGI infested wish fulfilment that has muddied the horror waters of late. These vampires are feral, dirty and animalistic, not dissimilar to the antagonists of the often maligned 30 Days Of Night but minus that last shred of relatable humanity that they possessed. They have no comraderie or awareness of their state to make them as appealing as Kathryn Bigelow's affectionately sketched and portrayed vampires in Near Dark. They are victims of a viral disease (rather than the affections of a hundred and something year old man creature that hangs around high schools, looking for love in all the wrong places) and are never presented as anything other than predators and a very real, relentless physical threat to our lead characters.

Team Edward?

And so to the gripe...

It is with these aforementioned lead characters that Stake Land makes a minor rod for it's own back. As with the Zombie/Micro-budget genre it borrows from, this film spends a lot of time on the road with an ever expanding/shrinking group of characters, all searching for that elusive safe zone that they have heard about. 

Sound familiar?

Some of these characters are a lot more interesting than others (a shockingly old looking Kelly McGillis turns in a pretty decent turn as what must be THE most badass and frequently raped nun in the history of cinema), some exist solely to get killed (hey there Superfluous Black Guy Character and look, you brought Doomed Pregnant Chick with you too!) whilst others are more delicately drawn and almost allowed room to grow amidst the chaos.

Sound familiar?

Again, as with the Zombie genre, we are treated to a slightly laboured 'who are the real monsters here' sub plot involving a religious cult who try to use the vampires to ethnically cleanse the world but such is the curse of having a silent primary villain... Someone's got to reel off the bad guy dialogue (and drop Vampires out of helicopters into uninfected areas).

How about that, does that sound familiar (other than the kickass dropping vampires out of helicopters bit)?

Of course it does... You are, after all, a visually literate fan of films and have seen these archetypes in many, many, MANY films before.

So, yes... Stake Land is ultimately derivative but it also brings enough new material and fresh concepts to the table to shirk the narrative curse of the traditional or post Twilight vampire flick... It becomes a movie unto itself in execution, dedication to its concept and lean narrative and one that is well worth the investment of your time and money.

The vampire movie lives to fight another day.

Fuck you Stephenie Meyer!